First let me apologize for the lack luster effort on the blogg this week. I am traveling however and missing my wife and kids greatly. Oh, and I am using dial up to boot. Thus no picture.
The following was an article that I pulled out of news week a couple of days ago. I will reply to the post with my comments, but wanted to open up for all of your comments, reaction, ect. Cant wait to hear your feedback…..
TABOO
SPANKING SMACKDOWN
The uproar over a California assembly women’s announcement that she wants to make it illegal for parents to spank their own toddlers raises an interesting question: how many parents actually spank their kids? We may have to beat them to get the truth. A new study of more than 2,000 parents in the Journal of Clinical Pediatrics found fewer than 9 percent explicitly admit to spanking their kids ages 2-11 – while at the same time, 40 percent say they were spanked as a child and use the same discipline techniques as their parents. “People don’t want to admit it, even in an anonymous, confidential questionnaire,” says Dr. Shari Barkin, lead author of the study and chief of general pediatrics at Vanderbilt University Children’s Hospital. This is a big change in social attitudes from a few decades ago: national surveys in 1975 and 1985 found that more than 90 percent of parents spanked their three year olds. In 1988, two thirds of mothers with kids under 6 said they routinely HIT their child three times a week. By the 1990’s however, it was widely agreed in the medical community that corporal punishment does not work, is less effective than other discipline techniques and has the potentially harmful side effects. (Interestingly, a third of parents in the new study say their discipline approach is ineffective.)
So are fewer people actually spanking, or are they just less willing to admit it? Dr. Robert Murray, who studied the issue of corporal punishment in schools for the American Academy of Pediatrics, says both are true, and the stigma surrounding spanking is a good thing. “When there was a social norm of spanking, it shielded abuse,” he says. Maybe if parents are scared to admit to spanking, they’ll think twice about actually doing it.
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4 comments:
Ok so I took the liberty of putting the word HIT in all caps when posting the article. What I do not appreciate is the tone and skewed perspective in which the article was written. Word use is a powerful tool and one that was used very well to drive an agenda in this particular piece.
Let me say straight up that I am apart of the 9%. We do spank. We are however committed to spanking for the result of correction rather than punishment and frustration.
In one aspect I agree with the article in the sense that spanking left to itself can be counterproductive. I believe that a process of instruction and explanation must precede and follow spanking. It is not only beneficial to the child from a correction standpoint, but it clarifies for me as a parent what and why I am doing what I am doing. As well it allows for a cool down period if one is needed.
I wish I could say that I have never reactionary spanked out of frustration but I have. If and when I have done so, I immediately clarify the purpose for the spanking and ask for my Childs forgiveness for my lack of control of the situation.
Spanking is certainly not the end all be all, but rather is a party of the correction process. Some situations require spanking some do not.
There are no doubt abusers out there who should be tied up and beaten. But to somehow insinuate that spanking = corporal punishment is insanity and nothing more than a strategic attempt at driving a specific agenda. Blaming the gun for the murder is no different then blaming the spanking for the abuse.
i would have to say that your feelings after reading this article are the same as the ones i experienced after reading the article. it was slanted. it was prejudiced. should that surprise us?
the goal of spanking is to teach hard lessons. swift and just (just like our system of law in this country should be). every action has an equal or opposite reaction--and that concept should be applied to parenting in terms of establishing and maintaining boundaries or "house rules" vs. what can happen if those rules are broken or compromised. regulating our children's attitudes are also important reasons for discipline.
if a parent only has the "soft" lessons in their parenting toolbox then the child doesn't have the same level of reverence or healthy fear of the authority of that parent. hard and soft forms of discipline are both necessary. the objective being to start out laying down the law, if you will, building the foundation to which all other household mandates are set on....that's tough part. for example, it's always more work to build the house than to just maintain it. you have to say what you mean and mean what you say, and then after the children realize where the line is and they know not to cross it deliberately, the softer forms can become standard because the "understanding" has been established.
it's after that point that spanking is used rarely to re-establish the parent's position of authority and give value to the their spoken word and instruction, but only as a result of direct disobedience which hopefully shows up less and less.
unfortunately, the abuse card always get thrown in. i call that playing dirty. it's as if we have to dumb down the deliberate, controlled, loving, but effective forms of discipline because we have an ever growing number of people out there who have babies and because of their own inadequacies don't know how to strike the right balance when dealing with the inevitable disobedient behavior of their child.
instead we are befriending them....handing over our control because their is no evidence of healthy fear. we are setting them up (the children) for a rude awakening when they get out in the world and realize it's not all about them, their comfort, and their selfish attitudes. in order to train up our children to make a healthy, sacrificial contributions to their future and society, we build in them a set of rules and blueprints to move in that direction. if we choose not to see the value in hard lessons we choose to cripple them---maybe to the extend of them never being able to "find" their way back to a level playing field because they don't have that inner compass. but it has to start when they are young. not in infancy, but as soon as you see defiance.
as parents we need to have unfailing resolve (we know-beyond know- what we believe and follow through), an adult perspective of who our children are and who we can help them become, and tons and tons of love mixed into the marrow of it all.
love comes in all forms. spanking, done the right way, is love not abuse.
when i first heard about this i was just reminded how jacked up our fellow americans are. the thing i don't understand is how a generation of people that were disciplined with spanking can't see that they are better for it. what's this business about giving your kids everything and never telling them no all in the name of love. that's not love, that's a cover for feelings of inadequacy, fear, and a desperate need for real love in their own lives. it makes perfect sense. those people need a hard lesson in real, absolute love.
and while i'm on this subject, what's this crap about counting. i personally feel that it is the worst thing you can do. all you're telling them is that they have _ more seconds to keep disobeying you. it doesn't teach them to respect you as their parent. and most parents i see doing this use it as a way to get out of disciplining. i've yet to see many people actually follow through with their "threat" because typically the parent that uses this method is really not planning to anything if they can help it.
rich and i take a strong stand on the need for discipline and see the benefits of spanking, when used properly, not out of anger, but as a result of direct dissobedience, as one of the greatest tools of teaching God gave us. yes, we will discipline in other ways, but it's all about who's in control, who's the authority in the house. that is what we are fighting for. our children have to know boundaries and they have to be able to submit to authority. at even more stake than anything is what the lack of discipline will do to their relationship with God. if there is no action of discipline after disobedience and all the child learns is that if he/she pushes enough they'll get what they want, they will grow to have an unhealthy view of God. they will turn away the minute they don't get what they want. they will never learn to submit and that is such a huge part of our relationship with Him. God understood the long term affect of discipline on the most important relationship (his/ours) and that is why he says...spare the rod, spoil the child. we are headed for a generation of narcissistic, self indulent adults. we need to speak out & stand for the truth Love=Discipline
Discipline=Love
they cannot be seperated!
thankyou hookem for being bold enough to write on such a sensitive subject.
Great subject! Prov. 13:24 says "He who spares his rod hates his son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly."
We spank and we've also checked out Parenting with Love & Logic and its helped with our frustration level.
loveandlogic.com
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