looking back

Does yesterday really matter? According to Tiger Woods and Gillette (The Best A Man Can Get) yesterday is nothing more than a “Nice Memory” and TODAY is all that matters. Man, if only that were true.

What is true however, is that on this journey of Manhood, in order for us to truly embrace Authentic Manhood, it starts with LOOKING BACK. See the past holds the keys to who we are and how we live our lives today. And we all have a past. We all have a story. A story full of events and circumstances that have shaped our lives.

The tragedy is most of us have never really taken the time to think through our past and to analyze it in a way that explains why we are the way we are and why do things the way we do. Because without that kind of understanding it is impossible for us to change the things that need to be changed in order to grasp the AUTHENTIC MANHOOD we were meant to live. Because without that understanding we are driven by forces that we do not understand or are not willing to face and they rob us of living a life of AUTHENTIC MANHOOD.

SIX OBSERVATION ABOUT LOOKING BACK

1. My story is not UNIQUE. As a man I am not ALONE.
Man is that ever the truth. We as men are so good at convincing ourselves we are alone in the things we struggle with and no one else could possibly understand. You know what I find? A lot of guys think everybody had it better than them. But that’s just not true. No matter how good you look on the outside, there’s a lot of stuff going on inside every man. Some of those things are hurtful; some of those things feel like vacuums and missed moments. Some of those things are noble. But everybody has a story, and discovering that other men are like you is one of the great benefits of a meeting with and sharing with other men.

2. When a boy fails to CONNECT with his dad, DEMONS of one kind or another often fill the void.
When dad is not there, it leaves a hole in a son’s psyche. Whether dad wasn’t there emotionally, or whether he wasn’t there altogether, it leaves a hole and the son’s going to fill it with something, something that is a cheap and tragic substitute like - being a workaholic, sexual addiction, alcoholism, or other extremes. It’s all seeking to compensate for something that should have been there, but wasn’t. And what often isn’t there in a man’s life, is a reconciled, healthy relationship with the most significant person in his life growing up – HIS DAD.

3. Many men have yet to reckon with their PAST, or close out the UNFINISHED BUSINESS that still lives there.
This may be due to denial, or refusing to look back. It might be due to a lack of courage or just plain ignorance about the past and how the past affects now. But regardless of the reason, the truth is that some men are still trying at 30, 40, or even 50 to win mom or dad’s approval. And they don’t even know they’re doing it. And so a lot of men spend their lives trying to run from a past that they have absolutely no understanding of.

4. Until a man UNPACKS HIS PAST and deals with the THEMES and the PAINS that reside there, he can never be an authentic man.
Until we as men unpack those things that are in our past that haunt us, we can never achieve Authentic Manhood.
* Always living in the past, men, is not manhood. It’s boyhood.
* Playing the victim because of your past is not manhood; its boyhood.
* Working all the time to achieve things that you don’t even understand is not manhood; it’s boyhood.
* Denying your feelings, rather than grieving over your pain – which you may need to do – is not manhood; it’s boyhood.
* Disconnecting from your past, rather than connecting with it and understanding it, and having the courage to deal with it is not manhood; it’s boyhood.

5. You cannot become a real man without HELP. There is no such thing as a SELF-MADE MAN.
The Scripture says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.” The truth of the matter is no man can become an authentic man without the help of other men. We need their insight; we need their accountability; we need their balance in our life.
There are men who have self-made success, but they may have that success at the expense of a number of other things personally. They may be short-sighted; they may be unhealthy; they may be imbalanced and they may be riddled with a number of blind spots. But a healthy man has other men in his life to help make him who needs to be.

For better or worse, we are all significantly shaped by the FAMILY LIFE we experienced.
Our past helps explain you and me: WE ARE PRODUCTS OF THE PAST, BUT WE ARE NOT PRISONERS OF THE PAST.

UNLESS WE CHOOSE TO BE! Unless we choose to ignore our past, or deny our past, or worse, surrender to our past. That’s why it’s important to unpack our past, so we can take a look at what’s in there and we can choose to keep the things that have influenced us in a good sense. At the same time, by unpacking the past and telling our story and explaining ourselves – not just to us, but to others – we can invite help and assistance to break free of those things from our past that are holding us back from the kind of manhood we need to achieve.

It can be done, and it’s FREEING because it ushers us into a whole new existence called AUTHENTIC MANHOOD.